I’ve been out of a serious relationship for a few months now and am back on the market. The last guy I was with was a dog and slept with so many other women. I am over it though and am looking for a guy whom I can trust. I want to know about putting out on the first date. If I give up the na-na on a first date will the guy think I am a ho? I am horny as hell but don’t want to send the wrong vibe. Remember, I am looking for a relationship.
Rump Shaker (23 y/o F, Denver, CO)
Dear Rump Shaker,
I do not recommend sleeping with a guy, who you want to be in a serious relationship with, on the first date. We show people how to treat us and if you show him that you are going to give it up to just anybody who takes you out for some Red Lobster and a few drinks, he will not take you seriously.
If you need to get some — go get some; just make sure the guy knows he is only a booty call, one night stand, or whatever label you want to put on it, be sure to communicate it to him (and use protection). You need to be in control, especially since your last serious relationship ended by him cheating. You may have developed issues with trust and esteem, and the only way to overcome them is by being in the driver’s seat and letting guys know that you are not going to stand for any bullshit.
Sex is easy to find. You can throw a rock out of your window and the first guy you hit will likely give you some. However, finding a man who is ready, willing and able to be in a monogamous, committed and reciprocating romantic relationship takes time and patience. If you think a man is relationship material, do not, I repeat – DO NOT jump into bed with him. Spend time getting to know where he’s at and what his expectations are and communicate your own. And be sure that you keep your bullshit detector set on high, because girlfriend, you know most men will say just about anything to get all up in your panties. Differentiating the liars from the honest men is where the patience comes in. Holla at me from time to time and let me know how things are going.
This edition of The Pulse: Q&A was written by Letty Livingston
*The Pulse: Q&A is intended as inspiring and engaging advice and not an alternative for therapeutic intervention, should it be needed.